I have not posted in a while – mainly because this is not my main ‘squeeze’ blog – there’s simply more that I am able to do on/with blogger – than here…and, since I refuse to ‘pay’ to be some sort of Live Journal artiste there you have it….
Life marches on….
I’ve had a period here where I’ve been extremely fed up – especially with work – with various relationships in my life – with life in general….but then there’s also been exhilaration.
I’ve written a lot about my love and I think he thinks at times perhaps it’s like a dog and pony show – kind of akin to ‘look at what *I* have’ – but that’s not the case at all – and unlike others who seem to feel the need to document their every single thought about their lover because they are trying desperately to hold onto (or project) a certain image, or they are just ‘trying to hard’ this is indeed not the case with me.
If there are problems then I address them – I am not wearing rose-coloured lenses and I am no ostrich. I might not make it public out of respect for our privacy (plus I am not into all the high-school shenanigans I see on so many of these journals), but it’s there all the same….
I think the reason why I write about this relationship the way I do is because I have never had this intense of a relationship that at the same time was healthy – it’s an anomaly.
Perhaps I am documenting this so I don’t forget – so that years from now…no matter what happens, I will have these writings to remind me of how wonderful this all was for me…I can’t/won’t speak for him….
All I know is that I never thought my heart could love like this – especially after having been ripped out, stomped upon and spoon-fed back to me in little bits and pieces – I thank God/dess every day for this blessing…and, even if it fails – I will still be grateful to have had this love in my life.