(Cross posted to the blog)
I went with C2 to dinner last night.
Thanks C – I love you.
We always have scintillating conversations.
She makes me think – very few people actually hold that distinction for me.
It seems that since I have been seeing Erin I have been going to church more – this is a true statement. It seems that it would appear to be a bit hypocritical of me to be going to a church whose doctrine I don’t agree with – that may or may not be a true statement – you are all welcome to your own opinions – I am going to offer up mine – not that they matter – even though it involves me….
I have always been spiritual. I have always been drawn to ritual. ALWAYS. For most of my childhood, until I was a pre-teen I attended church every single day. Did I agree with everything the church did – pardon my language HELL NO! I felt in many ways the church was hypocritical – did it diminish my yearning to practice my faith um NO.
I left the church after my mother passed away – for many reasons – but not MAINLY because of my issues with certain stances by the Church. I left because at the time I needed to explore other venues of faith.
I came back to the church over time – a little here, a little there – I left again this time in anger over how things were handled by the parish priest at my father’s death – he refused to hold a mass for my dad cause my dad was and wanted to be cremated. I actually asked the priest what he would do if St. Joan of Arc’s ashes showed up in his church, would he hold mass then? The priest was not amused, I was furious – he was an asshole and I hope he rots – not a very Christian sentiment – I don’t care….
I did over the years go back to church – yes, mainly I was a Christmas Catholic – every year my siblings and I would go to mass on Christmas eve. I also went as far as to JOIN our local parish – but we never followed though, we never went to mass. However, I never stopped wanting to practice my faith.
I would have discussions with various friends over the years about my falling away from the church – about being torn over my convictions vs the Church’s refusal to grow and change. I still feel this way.
I believe in God – I am very sure about that. I have no doubt there is a God – of course I also believe in the Goddess – but mainly I don’t think God/dess has a gender – I don’t think God is bound by the words or deeds of man.
There are of course things I do not agree with when it comes to the doctrine of the Catholic Church – some of them are obvious – I believe women have right make decisions concerning their bodies concerning their reproductive rights. I believe gays should be allowed to practice their faith without being told they are going to hell. Some of them involve more administrative concerns (if you will) – women should be allowed to be priests/priestesses, priests should be allowed to be married….
I don’t want to be perceived as a hypocrite. I want people to know that I’d like to help affect change within the church (don’t forget in some ways I am still a hippie chick who remembers protesting the Vietnamese war) – and keep in mind I have always been outspoken and I would go to a priest and tell him exactly what I think – I have in the past – it’s how I got kicked out of Catholic school to begin with and let me tell you that you have to go some to get kicked out of a Catholic school – mainly cause they want your money – and yes that is another beef I have with the Church.
When I went to Erin’s church I was skeptical – my experiences in the past are what drove me away. I felt welcomed. I felt warmth. I felt the congregation walked the walked and that matters to me. It’s a good church, it’s a progressive church and it’s a welcoming congregation. I feel at home there.
The have things like bible study, and volunteering opportunities galore, they have a gay/lesbian group. They have a lot to offer. Are they hypocrites in the congregation – you bet your ass there are – find me a church without one.
The truth is that Jesus was a radical/a revolutionary. Jesus bucked the system. Jesus was dangerous, Jesus didn’t keep his mouth shut. Well guess what – neither do I – I never have (even when I should), I never will. *I AM* a dangerous woman. And I plan on being that way for the rest of my life. And just because I practice my faith – does not mean I am necessarily agreeing with all the doctrine of said faith – after all doctrine is created by man and therefore fallible. Nor does it mean I am brainwashed and not going to stand by my convictions.
So there you have it…again think what you will/want – and I hope you do. But as long as I feel that this church is helping me and is nurturing my soul and my aspirations to make a difference on this planet – I am going to keep attending. And maybe I will even break some man-made ‘rules along the way.